Life & waves – A short story

Weighed down by my own expectation of an ideal life my heart was sinking deep in sorrow. The ray of little moments couldn’t shine on my soul. I wasn’t happy… I had no reason to be sad but the ongoing mundane life left me with no reason to be joyful. I was scared I might never shine and glow from inside ever again. 

Just before I was going to crumble I gifted myself a day of selfcare. It was a Thursday, I couldn’t wait for the weekend. After years it was a full day I had consciously filled everything thing I loved. I knew what everyone liked and just tried to fit my interests around it. I was tired and this day was crucial to endure myself, otherwise, I would have stopped loving myself or my loved ones. 

 Starting from a visit to my favorite coffee shop, buying a bunch of yellow lilies, having a relaxing foot massage, and ending the day with heavenly Thai food it was all what I yearned for. Bought some art supplies in between and visited a local museum in the latter half of the day, while carrying my red diary everywhere to write my thoughts. One of my psychology professor always told me to write down all problems because a detailed question has answers hidden within. My journal was my best friend for a long time, I buy it twice or thrice a year mostly aesthetic floral ones. One can make several short documentaries out of my diary. The day passed in the blink of a moment.

It was now time to go back to my life I don’t know I loved or hated. What was wrong… I was not getting the answer still. I have a loving and supportive partner whom I admire from the bottom of my heart. A child likes these yellow lilies who fill everyone’s heart with joy and peace. I wanted a career change but my current job is satisfying at the same time. On the way back my mind was choked with all such thoughts. Why I am not happy? What is missing? What to change? Will I be ever happy…

 From my cab, I saw the sea and my heart stopped there. I got down and walked towards the sea. 

Drifting towards sea I was arbitrarily walking with no thoughts of past and future. I was fully present at the moment. 

Standing at the seashore, I was watching the sun going down the horizon. The magical colors of the palette of nature filled my soul with calmness. I felt a significant rush of dopamine and oxytocin, the happy hormones. I lost the sense of time and found peace in the chaos. The stillness in the volatile environment. 

Suddenly my mind swayed away with the wind in another direction. Nature’s palette seemed to lose its colors to the colorless water. Now every drop of sea was shining like pearls. Millions of pearls getting their shine from the dusky sun. 

A thought having various aspects like a flock consisting of numerous birds which seems like one from far set foot on my mind. 

This was my moment of Epiphany.

Life is in waves. 

Like the waves that were breaking on the shore wetting my feet and then retreating to sea, I sensed moments that we lived and then washed away in time. It is just the sensation we carry on in our hearts that makes life. 

A happy life doesn’t mean being happy all the time. The seashore is not full of water rather waves come and go. 

Standing on the shore my body was not drenched in water even though my soul was completely drowned in its beauty, just like in love I was not with my partner but we were always together in thoughts even in dreams. 

Our life resembles much with the sea. Life is in waves.

Like waves come and go, golden moments come and go. It’s all about how we want to feel after that moment has passed and that determines how we feel about our life. We can keep appreciating the good times and be hopeful that the next wave is coming, or we can be sad that it went so quickly and don’t know what the future holds. 

Indeed the whole universe is likewise. One adventure ends a break, another experience a pause, and another one. Just like day ends with dusk and dawn breaks the darkness of night. Dusk and Dawn both are beautiful, they both have moods. It’s all about what we seek. All we need is a vision and clarity to appreciate beauty.

Merry times are like beautiful mornings of spring full of colorful flowers, and cool breeze. 

 In tough times love and support of loved ones are like the glittering diamond that reflects the purity of human relationships, like the stars that decorate the darkest night. I remembered the quote by Fyodor Dostoevsky “The darker the night the brighter the stars. The deeper the grief the closer is God.”

Serene amidst the jam packed shore I went closer to the sea to thank him for being the companion I was longing for. I got my answers. It was not my life, it was me who was not happy. I stopped appreciating small moments and kept searching for bliss elsewhere while it was always there inside me.

After some time the sun went completely down and in that dark night, the light of glimmering stars decorated the sky.

I was ready now. The old me, the same me with a new outlook towards life. In that dark night I saw myself shining again like supermoon.

Before going back I promised the sea to make regular visits and a wave splashed and said goodbye to me at that moment.